Saturday, May 14, 2011

Osama's Porn Stash

Now that I have General Tso's Chicken inside me burning my stomach lining, and I'm most likely going to shit pure fire in about an hour, I figure I'd post something on my blog now. What better to talk about than Osama's porn stash?

Recent news of a massive porn collection seized from Osama Bin Laden's compound in Pakistan is making headlines lately. As much as 5 computers, 10 hard drives, and dozens of USB drives full of fap material has reported to have been found. 

That just sounds like a slow week for me. I wonder what kind of porn he had on his computers, and who's job it is to sift through all of it? What a job that must be. "Colonel, get the CIA's Porn Investigation Team in here to comb through this smut immediately. I've got a hunch he may have been watching 'Burka's Gone Wild 6', and damnit I want to see it!"

Obama's Administration has released one video already of Osama watching himself on TV (this motherfucker had DVR in his pad). I guess he was critiquing himself thinking "Man, why didn't I fucking plug up my Norelco that day, my beard looks like a bee-hive made of pubes." He looked rather old and fragile in the newly released video, like he missed at least 2 months of using his jet black Just for Men beard enhancer. He's seen wrapped up in a dark tan blanket, because he's too much of a fucking rebel to buy a Snuggie from Wal-Mart (too westernized). I'm just glad Obama's Administration decided to cut the part where he brings in his laptop full of sheep bestiality, for a hardcore sesh.

This is what the hypocritical camel fucker said in '02 in his "letter to the American people"
''Your nation exploits women like consumer products or advertising tools, calling upon customers to purchase them,'' he wrote. ''You plaster your naked daughters across billboards in order to sell a product without any shame. You have brainwashed your daughters into believing they are liberated by wearing revealing clothes, yet in reality all they have liberated is your sexual desire.''
Looks like he would be the one who knows all about this "exploitation" of our daughters, he's been bogged down studying it for a while.

If you think about it, he isn't so much different than a lot of guys in the world, (other than the fact he was a terrorist leader).  A 54 year old guy, hidden away in his house downloading porn, while his wife or "wives" (for him, at least) are complaining "you never take me out anymore."

There you have it, deceased leader of al-Qaeda, Osama Bin Laden, is an avid porn connoisseur.

Oh, here's a picture for you less interested in reading.

21 comments:

  1. I don't even want to imagine what this guy was into...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Haha, oh wow. I suppose he needed something to do while hiding out.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I sincerely do not believe this story- I believe it was him and that he is dead, but there have been stories about how the CIA were going to discredit Saddam before invasions in 2003 and one went something like this

    ReplyDelete
  4. supposedly finding porn in a raided taliban/terrorist/etc. compound is actually quite common

    ReplyDelete
  5. Your hilarious man, I love people like you! Hey you can't leave the house, nothing to do, of course your going to fap!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'd pay to see what Osama's taste in porn was.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I wonder what sort of weird shit he was into. What does someone fap to when they blow up people for a living?

    ReplyDelete
  8. how would he ever get his hands on porn in an islamic culture without his followers ridiculing him

    ReplyDelete
  9. lol great post, great read!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yeah SP rulez :P this episode was about new jersey. I wonder if osama played wow as blood elf female and participated in cyber sex RP ;P

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yeah read the article about osama watching porn this morning

    ReplyDelete
  12. Lol i laughed so hard at your "About to shit fire" intro

    ReplyDelete
  13. lol i guess there's not really much else to do while you're hiding

    ReplyDelete
  14. lol...seriously osama's porn stash...haha

    nice post

    ReplyDelete