Monday, June 17, 2013

Jay-Z, overrated or overrated?

Is Jay-Z the most overrated rapper ever? Possibly. The fact that people consider him "one of the greatest of all time" makes me question their intellect and their ability for subjective thinking. The only thing impressive about Jay-Z is that he managed to convince a third of Destiny's Child to fuck him. 
Jay-Z's ego is almost as big as his lips, with the self indulging title of his new album: Magna Carta Holy Grail. It was announced during the 5th game of the NBA Finals after the end of the first half. I'm guessing he decided to drop the news during the NBA Finals because millions of blacks would be tuned in, but it probably backfired due to 50% taking a Newport break and getting "turnt up". Samsung sponsored this autofellatio of a clip that featured him, Pharrell, Timbaland, and a bearded white man, which I'm assuming is god himself, making beats together with Jay at the helm giving useless direction to them while they think to themselves "I'm glad this guy has a fuck load of money or I'd be making beats for 2 Chainz right now."
 I won't go into detail into why Jay is bad or how he's stolen most of his rhymes, because I'm not trying to convince your little feeble minded ass, while you eat your 20-piece nuggets and grease up your Razr mouse your mom bought you for losing 8lbs this year. If you want to be investigator Mulder, go listen to his music without assumptions and the perception that he should be good, and thank me later for your instant better taste in music.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

El Colacho!

wiki- "Baby jumping (El Colacho) is a traditional Spanish practice dating back to 1620 that takes place annually to celebrate the Catholic feast of Corpus Christi in the village of Castrillo de Murcia near Burgos. During the act - known as El Salto del Colacho (the devil's jump) or simply El Colacho – men dressed as the Devil (known as the Colacho) jump over babies born during the previous twelve months of the year who lie on mattresses in the street."

"The festival has been rated as one of the most dangerous in the world. The origins of the tradition are unknown but it is said to cleanse the babies of original sin, ensure them safe passage through life and guard against illness and evil spirits. Pope Benedict has asked priests in Spain to distance themselves from the El Colacho, or La Octava Festival."

It sounds like some shit some rednecks would do after drinking 2 suitcases of Bud Light. "Bubba, go get your li'l blanket booger out, I'ma jump dat sum'bitch." It's all fun and games until you misjudge your jump and fall into a bed bug ridden mattress full of infants in the middle of the street. It's bad enough that they have to watch out for cars, now you have like 8 Pedro's trying to hurdle you. At least babies are soft and you'll most likely brace your fall on multiple squishy subjects.

Who hasn't broke into the maternity ward a couple of times to Superman dive over the newborns, I always thought that was normal behavior. Apparently, it's not. Now I'll never be able to go back to try and break the record of clearing 7 babies. I would always clip that last one in the head, barely.

The El Salto del Colacho must be related to another Spanish tradition, in which they jump really high fences to enter the United States to bang fat white women.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Kassem G "Going Deep"

Here is the popular Youtuber "Kassem G" doing what he does best. I think the guy is hilarious and you should give him a try. I like his street interviews as well as his "Going Deep" segments he does with well known pornstars. You may of already seen these, but hey, I don't give a shit.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

$95 Million Awarded in Harassment Case

Totally not asking for a dick lashing.
Ashley Alford, a former employee of Aaron's, is being awarded $95 million dollars in what is to be the largest sexual harassment lawsuit payout ever in the U.S.

The incidents allegedly took place at an Aaron's Rents in Fairview Heights, IL. Her then manager, Richard Moore (I'm guessing named "Dick" for short) crept up behind her in the store room and beat her over the back of the head with his meat stick, while she was sitting on the floor.

That very same day, Alford claims that Mr. Moore pinned her down to the ground, lifted up her shirt, and then proceeded to masturbate over her whilst holding her.

Ms. Alford had apparently even called the employee harassment hotline months before the "beating" occurred to make them aware of the lewd behavior and sexually deprived employees. Aaron's didn't take the proper actions or protocol to follow up on the reports and negligence is deemed appropriate for their lack of initiative to investigate.

The actual payout is estimated to be capped around $38 million, due to federal law.

Aaron's had this to say, "Aaron's is extremely disappointed with the jury's verdict and believes that the award does not accurately reflect the evidence that was presented in this case," said Chad Strickland, vice president of associate resources for Aaron's, in a statement. "We feel strongly that this verdict is the result of a decision made by a classic runaway jury, and because of that we are confident that the damages will be greatly reduced. We intend to appeal the verdict and seek a fairer and more equitable outcome."

I don't understand how they could come up $95 million being the right number. I guess she went in and told the lawyers "I was mushroom stamped and masturbated on." and their response, "Well, I think we should pursue a reasonably modest payout, you know, somewhere around $95,000,000." I would take multiple dicks to the back of the head for a fraction of that. Matter of fact, I would be a dick pin cushion for that amount.

How did he hold her down the whole time while masturbating, anyway? Either, he's really fucking strong or he's related to "Goro" from Mortal Kombat.

Also, why the hell didn't she do something about it earlier on in the day when she was being cock-slapped? You know, I might not stick around if good ol' Richard is swinging his dick around like a Louisville Slugger. I'd probably do something drastic, like inform the police? The two were probably involved in a sexual relationship and he called her fat one day, and this is the unbridled wrath he summoned on himself. On the contrary, can you imagine if it'd been a woman committing the sexual assault. The jury would of called him a "lucky bastard" and dismissed it.

I have all the sympathy in the world for her. I know it must be very humiliating and demeaning to have gone through such an utterly disgusting experience, but she'll be living pretty comfortably for the rest of her life.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Da Ali G Show

God, I miss this show. If Sacha Baron Cohen knew what the fuck he was doing, he'd go back to doing awkward interviews as Ali G. There's probably no better job than getting paid to be a real life troll. Enjoy your filler for the night.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Your Dad is a Badass.

It is Father's Day, so what better way to show respect for your dad than posting things your dad is awesome at. I'll post a few things that my own dad is superior at, and hopefully you can relate to a couple. By the way, my dad could kick your dads ass, just saying. *sticks out tongue.. pppbbbttttt*

Let's begin
1.) Mowing the lawn.

Why are dads so good at mowing lawns? I have no fucking idea. It's just some unwritten dad rule that you must be a lawn guru by a certain age. My dad will go outside for 15 minutes and come back and there will be 10 acres of mowed grass with some stylish ass cross weave pattern. All of this is done while drinking a beer.

2.) Mustaches

If you've never seen your dad with a mustache, chances are, he's a homosexual. My dad would try and sport the clean look and shave his 'stache off sometimes, but an even thicker one would sprout by the time he woke up to drink beer. It resembled a rabid squirrel attacking his upper lip.

3.) Drinking beer

Why does he drink beer so much? Because he is thirsty, and the only beverage that can quench a dads undying thirst is a cold frosty brewski.  My dad can pound enough beer to kill 3 elephants and still be sitting there with the same unaffected expression and demeanor that he had when he slammed the first. 

4.) Fixing shit

If there's something mechanically wrong, your dad will fix it. They don't even need the right tools or supplies. "Oh, there's a broken belt on the washer, huh? Go get me 38 Fruit by the Foot's and some duct tape, I've got this shit under control. Get me a beer while you're at it."

5.) Flatulence

Your dad can fart better than anybody you know. You'll know when he's about to let one rip because he'll lift up one cheek and point it in your general direction, and soon after you'll hear the distinct sound of a freight train and a thunderstorm coming out of his ass. It will smell like Amy Winehouse looks.

There is a lot more that I could do, like grilling, disregarding your mom, watching Discovery Channel. I'll save it for next Fathers Day. 

Saturday, June 18, 2011


Here's a couple of guys having fun after being stranded at Dallas Fort-Worth Airport for the night. This video is creating quite the buzz in the media world. Apparently, it's raising a lot of security concerns for airport officials. I'm sure they'll probably try and track these two pranksters down and make them pay. I think it's hilarious. The quality of the video is excellent, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a viral-ad for Canon. Here's what the user said in the description when they uploaded it "While on our way home from Formula Drift Palm Beach, Larry Chen and I found ourselves stranded over night in the Dallas airport as our flights home were canceled. The following is a brief summary of the events that took place that night."

Harold and Kumar never cease to amuse me.