Tuesday, June 28, 2011

El Colacho!

wiki- "Baby jumping (El Colacho) is a traditional Spanish practice dating back to 1620 that takes place annually to celebrate the Catholic feast of Corpus Christi in the village of Castrillo de Murcia near Burgos. During the act - known as El Salto del Colacho (the devil's jump) or simply El Colacho – men dressed as the Devil (known as the Colacho) jump over babies born during the previous twelve months of the year who lie on mattresses in the street."

"The festival has been rated as one of the most dangerous in the world. The origins of the tradition are unknown but it is said to cleanse the babies of original sin, ensure them safe passage through life and guard against illness and evil spirits. Pope Benedict has asked priests in Spain to distance themselves from the El Colacho, or La Octava Festival."

It sounds like some shit some rednecks would do after drinking 2 suitcases of Bud Light. "Bubba, go get your li'l blanket booger out, I'ma jump dat sum'bitch." It's all fun and games until you misjudge your jump and fall into a bed bug ridden mattress full of infants in the middle of the street. It's bad enough that they have to watch out for cars, now you have like 8 Pedro's trying to hurdle you. At least babies are soft and you'll most likely brace your fall on multiple squishy subjects.

Who hasn't broke into the maternity ward a couple of times to Superman dive over the newborns, I always thought that was normal behavior. Apparently, it's not. Now I'll never be able to go back to try and break the record of clearing 7 babies. I would always clip that last one in the head, barely.

The El Salto del Colacho must be related to another Spanish tradition, in which they jump really high fences to enter the United States to bang fat white women.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Kassem G "Going Deep"

Here is the popular Youtuber "Kassem G" doing what he does best. I think the guy is hilarious and you should give him a try. I like his street interviews as well as his "Going Deep" segments he does with well known pornstars. You may of already seen these, but hey, I don't give a shit.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

$95 Million Awarded in Harassment Case

Totally not asking for a dick lashing.
Ashley Alford, a former employee of Aaron's, is being awarded $95 million dollars in what is to be the largest sexual harassment lawsuit payout ever in the U.S.

The incidents allegedly took place at an Aaron's Rents in Fairview Heights, IL. Her then manager, Richard Moore (I'm guessing named "Dick" for short) crept up behind her in the store room and beat her over the back of the head with his meat stick, while she was sitting on the floor.

That very same day, Alford claims that Mr. Moore pinned her down to the ground, lifted up her shirt, and then proceeded to masturbate over her whilst holding her.

Ms. Alford had apparently even called the employee harassment hotline months before the "beating" occurred to make them aware of the lewd behavior and sexually deprived employees. Aaron's didn't take the proper actions or protocol to follow up on the reports and negligence is deemed appropriate for their lack of initiative to investigate.

The actual payout is estimated to be capped around $38 million, due to federal law.

Aaron's had this to say, "Aaron's is extremely disappointed with the jury's verdict and believes that the award does not accurately reflect the evidence that was presented in this case," said Chad Strickland, vice president of associate resources for Aaron's, in a statement. "We feel strongly that this verdict is the result of a decision made by a classic runaway jury, and because of that we are confident that the damages will be greatly reduced. We intend to appeal the verdict and seek a fairer and more equitable outcome."

I don't understand how they could come up $95 million being the right number. I guess she went in and told the lawyers "I was mushroom stamped and masturbated on." and their response, "Well, I think we should pursue a reasonably modest payout, you know, somewhere around $95,000,000." I would take multiple dicks to the back of the head for a fraction of that. Matter of fact, I would be a dick pin cushion for that amount.

How did he hold her down the whole time while masturbating, anyway? Either, he's really fucking strong or he's related to "Goro" from Mortal Kombat.

Also, why the hell didn't she do something about it earlier on in the day when she was being cock-slapped? You know, I might not stick around if good ol' Richard is swinging his dick around like a Louisville Slugger. I'd probably do something drastic, like inform the police? The two were probably involved in a sexual relationship and he called her fat one day, and this is the unbridled wrath he summoned on himself. On the contrary, can you imagine if it'd been a woman committing the sexual assault. The jury would of called him a "lucky bastard" and dismissed it.

I have all the sympathy in the world for her. I know it must be very humiliating and demeaning to have gone through such an utterly disgusting experience, but she'll be living pretty comfortably for the rest of her life.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Da Ali G Show

God, I miss this show. If Sacha Baron Cohen knew what the fuck he was doing, he'd go back to doing awkward interviews as Ali G. There's probably no better job than getting paid to be a real life troll. Enjoy your filler for the night.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Your Dad is a Badass.

It is Father's Day, so what better way to show respect for your dad than posting things your dad is awesome at. I'll post a few things that my own dad is superior at, and hopefully you can relate to a couple. By the way, my dad could kick your dads ass, just saying. *sticks out tongue.. pppbbbttttt*

Let's begin
1.) Mowing the lawn.

Why are dads so good at mowing lawns? I have no fucking idea. It's just some unwritten dad rule that you must be a lawn guru by a certain age. My dad will go outside for 15 minutes and come back and there will be 10 acres of mowed grass with some stylish ass cross weave pattern. All of this is done while drinking a beer.

2.) Mustaches

If you've never seen your dad with a mustache, chances are, he's a homosexual. My dad would try and sport the clean look and shave his 'stache off sometimes, but an even thicker one would sprout by the time he woke up to drink beer. It resembled a rabid squirrel attacking his upper lip.

3.) Drinking beer

Why does he drink beer so much? Because he is thirsty, and the only beverage that can quench a dads undying thirst is a cold frosty brewski.  My dad can pound enough beer to kill 3 elephants and still be sitting there with the same unaffected expression and demeanor that he had when he slammed the first. 

4.) Fixing shit

If there's something mechanically wrong, your dad will fix it. They don't even need the right tools or supplies. "Oh, there's a broken belt on the washer, huh? Go get me 38 Fruit by the Foot's and some duct tape, I've got this shit under control. Get me a beer while you're at it."

5.) Flatulence

Your dad can fart better than anybody you know. You'll know when he's about to let one rip because he'll lift up one cheek and point it in your general direction, and soon after you'll hear the distinct sound of a freight train and a thunderstorm coming out of his ass. It will smell like Amy Winehouse looks.

There is a lot more that I could do, like grilling, disregarding your mom, watching Discovery Channel. I'll save it for next Fathers Day. 

Saturday, June 18, 2011


Here's a couple of guys having fun after being stranded at Dallas Fort-Worth Airport for the night. This video is creating quite the buzz in the media world. Apparently, it's raising a lot of security concerns for airport officials. I'm sure they'll probably try and track these two pranksters down and make them pay. I think it's hilarious. The quality of the video is excellent, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a viral-ad for Canon. Here's what the user said in the description when they uploaded it "While on our way home from Formula Drift Palm Beach, Larry Chen and I found ourselves stranded over night in the Dallas airport as our flights home were canceled. The following is a brief summary of the events that took place that night."

Harold and Kumar never cease to amuse me.

Friday, June 17, 2011

100,000 dollars on the wall.

Hans-Peter Feldmann, a German visual artist was awarded 100k after winning the Hugo Boss Prize, given by the Solomon R. Guggenheim Foundation, for his unique contemporary artwork. In honor and thanks to Guggenheim for the prize, Feldmann proposed an idea to tack one-hundred thousand dollars in single one-dollar bills of U.S. currency on the walls and pillars in a exhibit room inside of the Guggenheim Museum. It took approximately 13 days to pin all of the money to the walls. (I could of done that with a truck full of Mexicans in like 3 hours, but the walls might not be as voluminous and our pants might be heavier upon departure.) The exhibition will be available until November 2, 2011, on which Feldmann will take all of his revered prize earnings down and travel to the nearest strip-club and "make it rain on dem bitch ass stanky hoes", said Feldmann. (Okay, maybe he didn't say that, but he fucking better.)
"Those are dollar-bills, awesome. Especially that one."
"Why are we all wearing all black again? Oh yeah, because we're so much more sophisticated and artsy."

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Hugh Hefner's Wedding Cancelled

"What's your name again? I think I pooped a little."
It looks like Hugh Hefner won't be getting married for the third time. Hugh and his 25 year-old fiancee Crystal Harris decided to call the wedding off after a reported argument, which probably went something like this "Don't you ever turn the station when I'm watching Wheel of Fortune, bitch!" They were set to be married June 18th. Hugh's funeral was scheduled the 17th, so time just wouldn't permit.

"I know she's only kissing me for my money, yet I don't give a shit."

In all honesty, she probably just wanted the publicity that would surely come with marrying the 85 year-old Playboy founder, and had no intentions of fully going through with such a visibly awkward wedding. It seems to me that it was just a brilliant premeditated scheme she, or her agent came up with to have her soaking up her minute of limelight. Who's to say they didn't have a connection, though? They probably did have feelings for one another, but not the feelings that should be associated with devoting yourself to the person you're in love with. I bet she felt safe and financially secure with having a millionaire cater to her needs and always have a hand for giving. Let me simplify that, she's a gold digging whore. For him, it was just another orange blonde to admire, and an ear to soak up all of his ramblings about smoker jackets and which adult diapers don't chafe his old soggy ass. Either way, I'm glad they didn't tie the knot, because the thought of them having honeymoon sex is making my taco salad I had for dinner reintroduce itself into the back of my throat.

I feel slightly bad for poor hef. I know he's a good hearted guy, but his dick needs to retire and stop making bad judgements.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Justin Bieber gets shot.

Justin Bieber gets shot for 10 hours straight. Leave this video up while you do your daily chores and take satisfaction in knowning Justin Bieber is being destroyed.
Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber Justin Bieber is dead.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Bob Ross Breakfast of Champions

I'll start putting some of my meals on this blog, so you skinny blogging buffoonery motherfuckers can copy the diet of a real boss hog, candy paint, riding clean ass sum'bitch. You aren't going to get 20 inch biceps of steel sitting there eating your raisin bran muffins and skim milk. These are going to be real meals, full of carbs, proteins, and afro-nutrients to keep your energy peaking to bang multiple chicks throughout the day while you save babies from burning buildings and shit.

WHAT YOU WILL NEED FOR MY BREAKFAST PLATTER OF GODLINESS (Note: My measurements are how real alpha males measure shit, women need not apply and should exit this blog immediately to fix me sandwiches.)

  1. -A big ass Russett Potato, cut it how you like
  2. -Half-a-dozen large eggs, including yolks, that's right
  3. -Half of a Vidalia Onion, minced (that means chop the fuck out of it.. if you cry, you aren't allowed to eat this.)
  4. -Minced Tomato & Green Chilies, or just use a can of Rotel
  5. -Enough cheese (Cheddar & Jack) to cover the top layer of my sexy platter
  6. -BACON (need I say more?)
  7. -Salt & Pepper to taste
  8. -Hot Sauce for a vinegary, spicy kick in the face.
  9. -A splash of oil, or bacon grease to cook potatoes in
(servings 4-5 for normal people.. 1-2 for hungry lumberjacks)
Coat the 'taters in oil, salt & pepper them. Potatoes without salt is like taking a dump without wiping. Not cool
When your potatoes start getting a little brown, let your onions have an orgy with them.  Your bacon should be cooking or almost done by now.
After those potatoes and onions have browned a little more, add your 6 eggs, tomatoes, chilies, bacon. Stir them all together like so.  All of this is on medium heat in a non-stick pan, so if you don't have a non-stick pan, you better lube it up with bacon grease.

When eggs thicken up, add your layer of cheese to melt over the top.

Serve it up with biscuits. Twas nothing fancy, just something good and hearty you can whip up in like 15 minutes when you're feeling a tad peckish. 

That's your breakfast for this morning, add salsa, hot sauce, whatever the fuck it is that your taste buds desire. 
Enjoy your meal.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

More teens are having fuck-

Did you guys know that more and more teens are having fuck?  I'll get back in my usual blog routine pretty soon, but until then, just enjoy my shitty videos that I'm finding for you.

Here's a .gif of Sarah Jessica Parker turning into a horse

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

I've got moves for days.

Oh, you know how I do it. Showing these little punk motherfuckers how it's done. Take notes.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Blue Ridge Parkway

I took a little day trip away to the Blue Ridge Parkway today. For those who don't know what The Blue Ridge Parkway is, here's a little Wiki-

 "The Blue Ridge Parkway is a National Parkway and All-American Road in the United States, noted for its scenic beauty. It runs for 469 miles (755 km), mostly along the famous Blue Ridge, a major mountain chain that is part of the Appalachian Mountains. Its southern terminus is on the boundary between Great Smoky Mountains National Park and the Cherokee Indian Reservation in North Carolina, from which it travels north to Shenandoah National Park inVirginia and offers access to the Skyline Drive, the major north/south artery through the Park. The two All-American Byways are separate and distinct. The Blue Ridge Parkway was built to connect Shenandoah National Park to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park."

I didn't travel all 469 miles of it, but I did do what I could in the time frame that I was given, since I still had to work at the restaurant at 4. You guys know I wouldn't escape away to some serene scenic wonderland for peace and to ease tension, right? I went to try and hang out with fucking bears, because bears aren't emotionally fragile bitches that like to grumble insignificant shit while they're on the rag and popping Midol like they're Sour Skittles. Bears aren't curious as to "when I'm going to grow the fuck up and stop being a sarcastic dick-head all the time". They aren't going to complain about me running around the house naked doing Elvis impersonations. Bears don't question my mental stability and ask when I'm going to stop writing blogs about mushroom stamping peoples food. There is no underlying issue here, you don't know anything. The point is, you don't see bears going 120mph by you in a '97 Mazda Miata while slurping down a Rolo McFlurry. Bears are just worried about eating faces, like me. Now, I didn't actually see any bears, but you can imagine how awesome it would of been if I did. 


Saturday, June 4, 2011

My Newest Blog.

Check out my newest venture at LetMeRateYou.Blogspot.com The first 20 followers get a good ol' fashioned spanking.

"I will rate you on anything, your looks, your shitty emo band, your mom. Shoot me an email at BobRossington@gmail.com with all of your inquiries and pictures. Whether I'm harsh or nice, honestly will always prevail"

Don't fret, my afro crazed peons. I'm not shutting down the Ross Blog. I'll keep updating this as normal.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Bob Ross The Boss

Why is my blog called Bob Ross Afro Blog? Why the fuck do you have to ask so many questions? Why is your blog called "ANOTHER SHITTY VIDEO GAME REVIEWER 3000"? I named it "Bob Ross Afro Blog" because Bob Ross was, and always will be the most tranquil, suave motherfucker that ever walked this cesspool of a planet. In fact, you should feel honored that you even had the opportunity to live in the same era that Bob graced upon thy with his presence. He was the master of wet-on-wet paintings and wet-on-wet panties. If you don't think Bob Ross was getting the ladies, I'll resurrect him so he can personally come beat the alizarin crimson out of your ass with his easel. You want to know why he used to call the trees he painted "happy little trees"? Because when he walked in forests, they'd be all like "holy shit, is that Bob Ross?", and they'd start smiling and begging him to carve his initials in their trunks. (how does a tree smile? I don't have the slightest damned idea, but I know Bob Ross knew). Where am I going with this blog? I don't really have some preplanned direction or any abrupt conclusive end in sight. I just want you to take a moment to ponder the perplex idea that Bob Ross is probably as close to god as this blog is fucking mind-blowing. Maybe he isn't a god, maybe he's pure love and happiness that has manifested itself  into a handsome man with a well kempt afro. That's all I've got to say about that. Who are you favorite painters? Vincent van Gogh? If you look it up on Wikipedia, it will plainly state that Bob Ross painted a time machine back to the late 1800's to show Gogh his modern wet paintings and Vincent shot himself in the face soon after because he knew he'd never be able to compete with Ross' artistic proficiency.

I'm going to sit here now with my sun-burnt kneecaps and scratch my genitals, while I wait for your 3 word comments, pretending you actually read this clusterfuck of a post. 

Thursday, June 2, 2011

More Animazement Pics

I didn't forget about you guys. I'll continue to keep updating my blog daily. I've been really busy the past few days with work and other minor shit. I need to keep up with more important things, like blogs. Let me make it up to you with more cosplayers and neckbeards.
I like how you can see the reflection of his glasses inside the head. Oh, no! There's a ninja behind you! He's going to... throw up a peace sign?
Anybody hungry?  This food dealer had as assortment of Asian snacks and candies, and for some reason Magic and Yugioh cards..
Saw this guitar walking around with an Asian chick.
I somehow managed to photograph a fat chick and the elusive "ginger neckbeard" in the same picture. See the look of hunger in her eyes, and the threatening stance? I had to roll the fuck out before things got out of hand.
I remember Pyramid Head being a little more intimidating than this. He needs to go down some protein shakes and hit the gym.
Drunk, gangster Gumby. He was out of control, trying to start shit with people and yelling. I didn't know Gumby was such a dick.
Gumby trying to get me riled up. This is where I put down the camera and suplexed him into a coma.
The ceiling in one of the theater rooms. Pretty damn cool.
A cardboard transformer with a sweet Mountain Dew jetpack and KFC helmet.  Can't beat that.
I actually thought these guys were pretty cool, since I've played Team Fortress 2 for a while. Too bad that inbred "pat" thing in the background came prancing up to ruin my picture.
Nothing out of the ordinary, just some furries dancing at the rave.
Me Gusta?
They all came out of nowhere.  This is what it has become, a bunch of young girls with meme faces.

This is the rave. I'm sure you can hear the shitty electro music just by looking at the picture.
She's the meat in a neckbeard sandwich. Save this picture to help induce vomiting if you ever accidentally ingest poison.
These were bad-fucking-ass. Check the stoner to the left, he's like "man, I want the candy in those pinatas so bad"

Probably the best costumes that I saw.

Breakdancing outside.
This fucker just ruined my childhood.
Me love your hair.

That's about all I'm going to post from this adventure. I decided I'd wrap it all up in one last blog. Let me know if you have any questions or want some more pictures. Oh, here's one more picture of a neckbead from my hotel room.
"What the fuck? I came here to bang hot Night Elves, and all I managed to pull was a drunk Gumby".