Friday, April 29, 2011

Fuck Bumble Bee's


Yeah, that's right, fuck bumblebees. No, not the autobot from Transformers. I'm talking about the fat little hairy fuckers that are flying face first into your windows.

They are pretty much the B-52 of bee's and hurt like hell when they slam into you going full-speed.

Haven't you heard that a bumblebee flying is aerodynamically impossible? It's true, but they don't give a damn, so they do it anyways just to piss you off.

If bumblebee's were human, they'd be the stout, obnoxious Italian guy you see at your local pizzeria getting heated over his stromboli not having enough mozzarella.


My hatred for bumblebees started the other day, when I was sitting outside on my deck. I was just trying to soak up some vitamin D and relax, when all of a sudden I heard a "bzzzzzzzzz".. I open my eyes and see this big bumbling fat fuck of a bug just hovering and looking at me. I figured he would fly off after a second, but NO, this asshole just circles me about 3 or 4 times like he's going to gather pollen out of me. I did what anybody would've done and threw my shoe at it. It hit him but he wasn't fazed, and began to kamikazee himself at me like an asian in rush hour traffic. I tried yelling at him but then I realized they haven't even evolved enough yet to have ears, so that was useless. So, I picked up my shoe and started swinging it like Barry Bonds after a steroid shot. After the third whiff, I made contact and sent him flying at least 100 feet. I felt like victory was mine and sat back down.

Sadly, the war wasn't over.. and it never will be, for they don't live for pollination or to extract nectar to feed their young. Their soul purpose in life is to annoy the hell out of you.     BZZZZZZZZZZZ...

24 comments:

  1. You my dear sir, are amazing. Followed.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Haha, thanks for the read; enjoyed that ;D

    ReplyDelete
  3. You remind me of The Blue Racer, see:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GvCIt_bYXk&t=130

    ReplyDelete
  4. fuck man I hate bees. we should start like a club or something

    ReplyDelete
  5. I wish I had a way to actually confirm this to you (and for myself for that matter):

    My parents told me that I was stung by a bee when they were changing a diaper at the beach.

    =(

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lol you showed that bee who's boss!

    ReplyDelete
  7. but are almost all dead where i leave because of pesticides; but we still have these fucking useless wasps everytime its sunny

    ReplyDelete
  8. yeah wasps are worse at least bees die a slow horrible death if they sting you.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Well but they have to do their job in nature. They have a great capacity to save pollen so probably letting her live is the better thing by all means!

    ReplyDelete
  10. @kxxthanxx You just made my day.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Lol bees serve an important roll in nature bro.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I don't really mind bees, or any bug for that matter

    ReplyDelete
  13. For some reason I always shiver when I hear that BZZZZZZZZZ

    ReplyDelete
  14. Man lately bee's just be flying into my porch lights until they die making that annoying BZZZZZZZZZ sound, ramming their heads into the bulb repeatedly. Then in the morning I have like thirty miniature landmines when the bees die ass up!!!!

    ReplyDelete