Saturday, May 21, 2011

My Girlfriend's Cat

This is Bailey...

I can has the 'beetis?

I took this picture yesterday when I got up to go make a sandwich. I could hear the floor rumbling as he made his entrance into the room and plopped over in front of me. I knew what he wanted. The motherfucker wanted my sandwich, and he wasn't going to get shit, since there was only enough for me. I had to stop for a second and take a picture because his bulging stomach and sheer size just mesmerized me. The yellow ovals stared deeply into my soul and I realized he was trying to hypnotize me into giving him my sandwich. I caught myself in the trance like state and snapped out long enough to eat all of it without hesitation. This angered the gluttonous savage, and he began to lunge full speed like a linebacker at my legs. I did some matador type shit to avoid broken tibia's and fibula's, and he plunged into the pantry cabinet, that he proceeded to ravage through.
 
Me after I dodged the beast.
I showed you a picture of Bailey, so you can inform my girlfriend that her cat is morbidly obese. She's under the perception that he was just born a big cat, you know, bigger bone-structure and shit, and that's how he is supposed to look. She thinks the father cat was most likely a Maine Coon. I think the father cat was most likely John Goodman, who was fucking amazing in The Big Lebowski.

If you want more pictures of Bailey, just let me know. I'll throw on my wide-angle lens and try and capture him.

19 comments:

  1. god i love cats, only problem is im very allergic to them

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  2. Another hilarious post! The whole thing about dodging it and the picture made me laugh man. And yeah that cat is fucking obese

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  3. I had a fat cat like that. He died from the 'beetus.

    RIP, Lance. :(

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  4. More zoom-in please so I can touch the stomach :D

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  5. that is one hell of a fat cat

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  6. Love cats, fat or not! Nice to meet you!
    Greetings from Greece!

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  7. wow you got a gf? are you serious? i dont believe you man, naaah

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  8. that cat is fat! feed it less. let it out to catch mice.. if it can move, that is. :P

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  9. You don't need to try to force him into the lens, I will just Google Maps him.

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  10. That is one gato grande. I think mesmerizing is an accurate description. Some would complain that this is unhealthy, but that cat appears to be enjoying life... eat. meat. repeat.

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  11. You should take a close up picture with a wide angle lens with bailey wearing a hat. I feel like that would look awesome.

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  12. Love cats, fat or not!
    But my cat is more fat than your girlfriends one!

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  13. its kinda creepy, cause my gf has a cat that is almost IDENTICAL your gfs

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  14. More pictures and funny stories!
    The Sandwich is not the issue here Donny!

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  15. That's a really cute cat! But really fat! Stop feeding it so much :P

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  16. Your posts always make me laugh my ass off. I love you.

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