Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Hugh Hefner's Wedding Cancelled

"What's your name again? I think I pooped a little."
It looks like Hugh Hefner won't be getting married for the third time. Hugh and his 25 year-old fiancee Crystal Harris decided to call the wedding off after a reported argument, which probably went something like this "Don't you ever turn the station when I'm watching Wheel of Fortune, bitch!" They were set to be married June 18th. Hugh's funeral was scheduled the 17th, so time just wouldn't permit.


"I know she's only kissing me for my money, yet I don't give a shit."

In all honesty, she probably just wanted the publicity that would surely come with marrying the 85 year-old Playboy founder, and had no intentions of fully going through with such a visibly awkward wedding. It seems to me that it was just a brilliant premeditated scheme she, or her agent came up with to have her soaking up her minute of limelight. Who's to say they didn't have a connection, though? They probably did have feelings for one another, but not the feelings that should be associated with devoting yourself to the person you're in love with. I bet she felt safe and financially secure with having a millionaire cater to her needs and always have a hand for giving. Let me simplify that, she's a gold digging whore. For him, it was just another orange blonde to admire, and an ear to soak up all of his ramblings about smoker jackets and which adult diapers don't chafe his old soggy ass. Either way, I'm glad they didn't tie the knot, because the thought of them having honeymoon sex is making my taco salad I had for dinner reintroduce itself into the back of my throat.

I feel slightly bad for poor hef. I know he's a good hearted guy, but his dick needs to retire and stop making bad judgements.
Posted by at
Labels: , , , ,

30 comments:

  1. DanielJune 15, 2011 at 1:03 AM

    mmm probably your right, but at 85 i will surely be married to an 25 yo old...

    ReplyDelete
  2. The Angry LurkerJune 15, 2011 at 3:04 AM

    It's not helping my cheese sandwich either.

    ReplyDelete
  3. MagixxJune 15, 2011 at 3:16 AM

    oh noes :(
    I was so looking forward to it ...

    ReplyDelete
  4. themajesstyJune 15, 2011 at 4:55 AM

    Another entertaining post, as always. :D

    Viagra should make Hef the new poster boy.

    To be fair, he isn't all that bad looking. He has the charm of a saintly old grandfather. AND he is also of a benevolent nature, seeing as he came up with Playboys - serving humanity's depraved and sexually frustrated males. Perhaps that was what Crystal was going for.

    Or maybe like, it's just the money. lol.

    ReplyDelete
  5. William MainJune 15, 2011 at 5:36 AM

    I do feel quite sorry for him though. She was using him and he was content to marry her. Lol.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Montyp2000June 15, 2011 at 6:20 AM

    Am I the only one that thought he and Holly Madison should have lived happily ever after?

    ReplyDelete
  7. mJune 15, 2011 at 7:13 AM

    I am not surprised.

    I don't get it though. I wouldn't be able to marry someone KNOWING that they were in it for the cash. That would really bother me and make me feel uncomfortable and.. Whorish. He must know.

    ReplyDelete
  8. XenotothJune 15, 2011 at 7:29 AM

    And the question is who cares more, us or him? I think it is the latter, being that he has had and still has more women than any of us ever will.

    ReplyDelete
  9. chillmastorJune 15, 2011 at 8:18 AM

    He is just a WINNER

    ReplyDelete
  10. Pinecone StewJune 15, 2011 at 9:47 AM

    Have a SUPER week, Bob !

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousJune 15, 2011 at 2:13 PM

    Lucky guy,
    Great post +Followed!

    ReplyDelete
  12. BarbequeJune 15, 2011 at 2:17 PM

    well it's hollywood. there's loads and tons of these fun news all cooked and baked for us.

    ReplyDelete
  13. CameronJune 15, 2011 at 2:57 PM

    I'm all for coitus continuum, but setting someone up for exploitation like that is just cruel. I'm against social law, but seeing as how most of our governments aren't I wish people like this were punished like the fraudsters they are.

    ReplyDelete
  14. bmx4130June 15, 2011 at 2:58 PM

    I can't believe people are surprised that she couldn't go through with it, no matter how much fame it brought.

    ReplyDelete
  15. iceyJune 15, 2011 at 3:21 PM

    the only thing pointing upwards in the wedding night would have been her nips anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  16. ThirtySevenJune 15, 2011 at 5:01 PM

    Damn, Bob Ross.. that guy is too old and nasty. What girl would honestly 'love' him???

    ReplyDelete
  17. D4June 15, 2011 at 7:36 PM

    Uh? I think if it was a publicity stunt he would've known. I mean sure, play the old and senile card if you want, but the guy has been through enough shit to know that many would do that. I'm not saying it was love either, I just think he knew what was going on as well. I wouldn't have cared if he got married.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Benji RadmanJune 15, 2011 at 8:38 PM

    That was pretty funny :) Poor Hef indeed pfft haha

    ReplyDelete
  19. Bob Ross Afro BlogJune 15, 2011 at 9:05 PM

    I think he did know but he just doesn't care anymore, D4.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Jesse CrowsJune 16, 2011 at 12:40 AM

    poor hef!

    ReplyDelete
  21. IntramanJune 16, 2011 at 1:17 AM

    i'm sure he must have been heartbroken.

    ReplyDelete
  22. AnonymousJune 16, 2011 at 4:07 AM

    Old soggy ass indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  23. bluesphinxJune 16, 2011 at 5:31 AM

    no wwwway

    ReplyDelete
  24. SkengJune 16, 2011 at 9:52 AM

    Poor Heff. What a difficult life he lives lol I'm sure he'll move onto the next one before the night's over.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Mrs. PickleJune 16, 2011 at 11:14 AM

    I bet Holly is happy. I would like to see Hefner in a sex video. Is there one out there? I can only hope but assume it would be as entertaining as the “One night in Paris” video. Celebrity sex tapes are the best!

    ReplyDelete
  26. AnonymousJune 16, 2011 at 12:59 PM

    He was trying to get married again? Shouldn't he call it quits? The guy is way too old.

    ReplyDelete
  27. DanielJune 16, 2011 at 5:39 PM

    he is a winner ...Great post,Followed! :D

    ReplyDelete
  28. TIMMYTHEROBOTJune 16, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    Who didn't see this coming? At least marry him THEN leave him for the cash.

    ReplyDelete
  29. AtleyJune 17, 2011 at 12:47 PM

    Oh goodness. I'm glad they did not marry. He will die soon, and all they money would go to her! LOL. oh bother.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Fawn and FlowerJune 30, 2011 at 5:53 PM

    I loved his roast. Sarah Silverman wins always!

    " I think they should be role models in today's society, and I'm serious, especially for girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes. They deserve the Purple Heart for that. The Purple Asshole. I don't have the guts to do it. The closest I've ever come to waxing my asshole is once I got it washed and styled, but that doesn't hurt. Minus the curlers."

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)