Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Hugh Hefner's Wedding Cancelled

"What's your name again? I think I pooped a little."
It looks like Hugh Hefner won't be getting married for the third time. Hugh and his 25 year-old fiancee Crystal Harris decided to call the wedding off after a reported argument, which probably went something like this "Don't you ever turn the station when I'm watching Wheel of Fortune, bitch!" They were set to be married June 18th. Hugh's funeral was scheduled the 17th, so time just wouldn't permit.


"I know she's only kissing me for my money, yet I don't give a shit."

In all honesty, she probably just wanted the publicity that would surely come with marrying the 85 year-old Playboy founder, and had no intentions of fully going through with such a visibly awkward wedding. It seems to me that it was just a brilliant premeditated scheme she, or her agent came up with to have her soaking up her minute of limelight. Who's to say they didn't have a connection, though? They probably did have feelings for one another, but not the feelings that should be associated with devoting yourself to the person you're in love with. I bet she felt safe and financially secure with having a millionaire cater to her needs and always have a hand for giving. Let me simplify that, she's a gold digging whore. For him, it was just another orange blonde to admire, and an ear to soak up all of his ramblings about smoker jackets and which adult diapers don't chafe his old soggy ass. Either way, I'm glad they didn't tie the knot, because the thought of them having honeymoon sex is making my taco salad I had for dinner reintroduce itself into the back of my throat.

I feel slightly bad for poor hef. I know he's a good hearted guy, but his dick needs to retire and stop making bad judgements.

30 comments:

  1. mmm probably your right, but at 85 i will surely be married to an 25 yo old...

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  2. It's not helping my cheese sandwich either.

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  3. oh noes :(
    I was so looking forward to it ...

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  4. Another entertaining post, as always. :D

    Viagra should make Hef the new poster boy.

    To be fair, he isn't all that bad looking. He has the charm of a saintly old grandfather. AND he is also of a benevolent nature, seeing as he came up with Playboys - serving humanity's depraved and sexually frustrated males. Perhaps that was what Crystal was going for.

    Or maybe like, it's just the money. lol.

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  5. I do feel quite sorry for him though. She was using him and he was content to marry her. Lol.

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  6. Am I the only one that thought he and Holly Madison should have lived happily ever after?

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  7. I am not surprised.

    I don't get it though. I wouldn't be able to marry someone KNOWING that they were in it for the cash. That would really bother me and make me feel uncomfortable and.. Whorish. He must know.

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  8. And the question is who cares more, us or him? I think it is the latter, being that he has had and still has more women than any of us ever will.

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  9. Lucky guy,
    Great post +Followed!

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  10. well it's hollywood. there's loads and tons of these fun news all cooked and baked for us.

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  11. I'm all for coitus continuum, but setting someone up for exploitation like that is just cruel. I'm against social law, but seeing as how most of our governments aren't I wish people like this were punished like the fraudsters they are.

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  12. I can't believe people are surprised that she couldn't go through with it, no matter how much fame it brought.

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  13. the only thing pointing upwards in the wedding night would have been her nips anyway.

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  14. Damn, Bob Ross.. that guy is too old and nasty. What girl would honestly 'love' him???

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  15. Uh? I think if it was a publicity stunt he would've known. I mean sure, play the old and senile card if you want, but the guy has been through enough shit to know that many would do that. I'm not saying it was love either, I just think he knew what was going on as well. I wouldn't have cared if he got married.

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  16. That was pretty funny :) Poor Hef indeed pfft haha

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  17. I think he did know but he just doesn't care anymore, D4.

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  18. i'm sure he must have been heartbroken.

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  19. Poor Heff. What a difficult life he lives lol I'm sure he'll move onto the next one before the night's over.

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  20. I bet Holly is happy. I would like to see Hefner in a sex video. Is there one out there? I can only hope but assume it would be as entertaining as the “One night in Paris” video. Celebrity sex tapes are the best!

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  21. He was trying to get married again? Shouldn't he call it quits? The guy is way too old.

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  22. he is a winner ...Great post,Followed! :D

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  23. Who didn't see this coming? At least marry him THEN leave him for the cash.

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  24. Oh goodness. I'm glad they did not marry. He will die soon, and all they money would go to her! LOL. oh bother.

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  25. I loved his roast. Sarah Silverman wins always!

    " I think they should be role models in today's society, and I'm serious, especially for girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes. They deserve the Purple Heart for that. The Purple Asshole. I don't have the guts to do it. The closest I've ever come to waxing my asshole is once I got it washed and styled, but that doesn't hurt. Minus the curlers."

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