Friday, June 3, 2011

Bob Ross The Boss

Why is my blog called Bob Ross Afro Blog? Why the fuck do you have to ask so many questions? Why is your blog called "ANOTHER SHITTY VIDEO GAME REVIEWER 3000"? I named it "Bob Ross Afro Blog" because Bob Ross was, and always will be the most tranquil, suave motherfucker that ever walked this cesspool of a planet. In fact, you should feel honored that you even had the opportunity to live in the same era that Bob graced upon thy with his presence. He was the master of wet-on-wet paintings and wet-on-wet panties. If you don't think Bob Ross was getting the ladies, I'll resurrect him so he can personally come beat the alizarin crimson out of your ass with his easel. You want to know why he used to call the trees he painted "happy little trees"? Because when he walked in forests, they'd be all like "holy shit, is that Bob Ross?", and they'd start smiling and begging him to carve his initials in their trunks. (how does a tree smile? I don't have the slightest damned idea, but I know Bob Ross knew). Where am I going with this blog? I don't really have some preplanned direction or any abrupt conclusive end in sight. I just want you to take a moment to ponder the perplex idea that Bob Ross is probably as close to god as this blog is fucking mind-blowing. Maybe he isn't a god, maybe he's pure love and happiness that has manifested itself  into a handsome man with a well kempt afro. That's all I've got to say about that. Who are you favorite painters? Vincent van Gogh? If you look it up on Wikipedia, it will plainly state that Bob Ross painted a time machine back to the late 1800's to show Gogh his modern wet paintings and Vincent shot himself in the face soon after because he knew he'd never be able to compete with Ross' artistic proficiency.

I'm going to sit here now with my sun-burnt kneecaps and scratch my genitals, while I wait for your 3 word comments, pretending you actually read this clusterfuck of a post. 

16 comments:

  1. i read it and i'll have to say that you should act more like him.
    stop scratching your manly parts and use some aloe vera or whatever that cream is called for your knees.
    cheers,
    -icey

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  2. I feel like I'm a better person for having read that. I'm ashamed to say that I considered starting a blog to review video games as well.

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  3. like a boss! ... or like a ross?

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  4. No questions asked. Paint on my brother!

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  5. OH, PLEASE.

    I read every single word of that hilarity. :D

    At the risk of sounding like an insincere ego-booster, I adore your writing style.

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  6. I like the name of your blog, dont worry :D not going to ask about it, but yea this guy does some great work. He's streaming on some channel here 24/7 so i saw a few of his master pieces. Great dude!

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  7. I'm enjoying your rude and nasty behavior! Yes Sire!

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  8. Bob makes me want to pleasure myself. Is that wrong?

    picklesinmyass.blogspot.com

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  9. why the fuck does bob ross have a squirrel on his shoulder in that picture? Also, this is what the wikipedia article for bob ross should be like.

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    1. That may be "Peapod" Bob's favourite squirrel.

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