Friday, June 10, 2011

Bob Ross Breakfast of Champions

I'll start putting some of my meals on this blog, so you skinny blogging buffoonery motherfuckers can copy the diet of a real boss hog, candy paint, riding clean ass sum'bitch. You aren't going to get 20 inch biceps of steel sitting there eating your raisin bran muffins and skim milk. These are going to be real meals, full of carbs, proteins, and afro-nutrients to keep your energy peaking to bang multiple chicks throughout the day while you save babies from burning buildings and shit.

WHAT YOU WILL NEED FOR MY BREAKFAST PLATTER OF GODLINESS (Note: My measurements are how real alpha males measure shit, women need not apply and should exit this blog immediately to fix me sandwiches.)

  1. -A big ass Russett Potato, cut it how you like
  2. -Half-a-dozen large eggs, including yolks, that's right
  3. -Half of a Vidalia Onion, minced (that means chop the fuck out of it.. if you cry, you aren't allowed to eat this.)
  4. -Minced Tomato & Green Chilies, or just use a can of Rotel
  5. -Enough cheese (Cheddar & Jack) to cover the top layer of my sexy platter
  6. -BACON (need I say more?)
  7. -Salt & Pepper to taste
  8. -Hot Sauce for a vinegary, spicy kick in the face.
  9. -A splash of oil, or bacon grease to cook potatoes in
(servings 4-5 for normal people.. 1-2 for hungry lumberjacks)
Coat the 'taters in oil, salt & pepper them. Potatoes without salt is like taking a dump without wiping. Not cool
When your potatoes start getting a little brown, let your onions have an orgy with them.  Your bacon should be cooking or almost done by now.
After those potatoes and onions have browned a little more, add your 6 eggs, tomatoes, chilies, bacon. Stir them all together like so.  All of this is on medium heat in a non-stick pan, so if you don't have a non-stick pan, you better lube it up with bacon grease.

When eggs thicken up, add your layer of cheese to melt over the top.

Serve it up with biscuits. Twas nothing fancy, just something good and hearty you can whip up in like 15 minutes when you're feeling a tad peckish. 

That's your breakfast for this morning, add salsa, hot sauce, whatever the fuck it is that your taste buds desire. 
Enjoy your meal.


  1. Sorry man, instead of biscuits, I woulda gone english muffins. Biscuits are for pussies. :P

  2. Biscuits are for pussies? English Muffins are for men? What kind of fucked up world are you living in?

  3. too bad I wrestle and need to cut weight :P

  4. Oh that some sexy food there. My afro is tingling with excitement!

  5. Dangit, I want that now. But the last bag of potatoes I bought started sprouting.

  6. Man Bob Ross knows how to make a badass breakfast.

  7. That's a hardy fucking breakfast, man. Good job.

  8. carbs ftw... hope you got a cardio workout planned

  9. Looks awesome, i will try this for sure!

  10. gonna try it....finally, a chef for us lazy people, more like this!

  11. i need those afro nutrients so bad man