Thursday, April 28, 2011

Why is Bob Ross so awesome?

Because he's Bob Fucking Ross, that's why.

I don't need to explain to you why a man who paints "happy trees" and bushes is awesome, but I'll throw a few reasons out.

1.) His overly large AFRO that not many people can pull off, unless you're in a 70's funk band.

Many people don't realize this but Bob Ross kept injured birds in his 'fro during the winter to keep warm and recover.

Sometimes when Ross was home alone, he'd dunk his head in cans of paint and use his curly mop as a giant paint brush, and paint beautiful landscapes on the side of his house. It would be a National Landmark if anyone could find it.

2.) He was the happiest man that ever walked the face of the earth.

 If you've ever watched "The Joy of Painting" on PBS, you'd know this. His voice was almost angelic (NO HOMO), it was just so soothing, like verbal Xanax. If you're ever having problems with depression or anxiety, go pick up a couple Bob Ross DVD's, sit back with a cool beverage and be ready for a calmgasm.

 Many didn't know that Bob Ross was in the U.S. Air Force. It's kind of ironic that a peaceful pacifist, like "Ross" would join the Military, but he had his reasons. Instead of flying an F-22, he would let out a shriek call, and a gilded eagle would swoop down from the sky and pick him up. He wouldn't drop bombs on enemies, instead he would drop candy and painting supply kits to the impoverished kids.

3.) He was a loving family man, that showered everyone around him in his aura-of-awesome. He passed away July 4, 1995 at the age of 52 of Lymphoma. Cancer may of killed his physical body, but his spirit and legacy will always live with us.

 He made us smile with his humble demeanor, and turning a blank canvas into an inspirational oil-painting.

That's just a drop in the bucket of why Bob Norman Ross, is AWESOME.