More teens are having fuck-

Did you guys know that more and more teens are having fuck?  I'll get back in my usual blog routine pretty soon, but until then, just enjoy my shitty videos that I'm finding for you.

Here's a .gif of Sarah Jessica Parker turning into a horse

My Girlfriend's Cat

This is Bailey...



I can has the 'beetis?



I took this picture yesterday when I got up to go make a sandwich. I could hear the floor rumbling as he made his entrance into the room and plopped over in front of me. I knew what he wanted. The motherfucker wanted my sandwich, and he wasn't going to get shit, since there was only enough for me. I had to stop for a second and take a picture because his bulging stomach and sheer size just mesmerized me. The yellow ovals stared deeply into my soul and I realized he was trying to hypnotize me into giving him my sandwich. I caught myself in the trance like state and snapped out long enough to eat all of it without hesitation. This angered the gluttonous savage, and he began to lunge full speed like a linebacker at my legs. I did some matador type shit to avoid broken tibia's and fibula's, and he plunged into the pantry cabinet, that he proceeded to ravage through.

 

Me after I dodged the beast.

I showed you a picture of Bailey, so you can inform my girlfriend that her cat is morbidly obese. She's under the perception that he was just born a big cat, you know, bigger bone-structure and shit, and that's how he is supposed to look. She thinks the father cat was most likely a Maine Coon. I think the father cat was most likely John Goodman, who was fucking amazing in The Big Lebowski.

If you want more pictures of Bailey, just let me know. I'll throw on my wide-angle lens and try and capture him.

Fuck Bumble Bee's

Yeah, that's right, fuck bumblebees. No, not the autobot from Transformers. I'm talking about the fat little hairy fuckers that are flying face first into your windows.

They are pretty much the B-52 of bee's and hurt like hell when they slam into you going full-speed.

Haven't you heard that a bumblebee flying is aerodynamically impossible? It's true, but they don't give a damn, so they do it anyways just to piss you off.

If bumblebee's were human, they'd be the stout, obnoxious Italian guy you see at your local pizzeria getting heated over his stromboli not having enough mozzarella.

My hatred for bumblebees started the other day, when I was sitting outside on my deck. I was just trying to soak up some vitamin D and relax, when all of a sudden I heard a "bzzzzzzzzz".. I open my eyes and see this big bumbling fat fuck of a bug just hovering and looking at me. I figured he would fly off after a second, but NO, this asshole just circles me about 3 or 4 times like he's going to gather pollen out of me. I did what anybody would've done and threw my shoe at it. It hit him but he wasn't fazed, and began to kamikazee himself at me like an asian in rush hour traffic. I tried yelling at him but then I realized they haven't even evolved enough yet to have ears, so that was useless. So, I picked up my shoe and started swinging it like Barry Bonds after a steroid shot. After the third whiff, I made contact and sent him flying at least 100 feet. I felt like victory was mine and sat back down.

Sadly, the war wasn't over.. and it never will be, for they don't live for pollination or to extract nectar to feed their young. Their soul purpose in life is to annoy the hell out of you.     BZZZZZZZZZZZ...